Monday, 27 June 2016

Blog posts I won't be writing

A continuing series
  • Posts that list prompts that focus on being a parent, and “your” child. I’ve done that already, and have made my point that these posts can almost always be rephrased to be more inclusive, so as I don’t want to keep reminding any of us of what we have lost by continuing these posts, I have finally deleted all those prompts I won’t be using.
But that got me thinking about the other posts I don't want to write here:
  • Posts lamenting what should have been, because I don't feel this language is helpful. I may however, occasionally touch on what might have been, and will always try to be balanced, if not in one post, then in a follow-up.
  • Any post that says "you can achieve anything if you want it enough," because we, of all people, know this isn't true, whether it refers to becoming a parent, or whether it refers to achieving happiness, it only spreads blame and smothers empathy.
  • Posts that ignore the pain and heartache it takes to get to a good place.
  • Posts that deny that we can, indeed, get to a good place, a happy place.


9 comments:

  1. I would love a post dissecting the "you can achieve anything if you put your mind to it" mentality. Specifically addressing those you push this message ad nauseum. Why does this exist? Why is there this continual need for it to exist? I have my own thoughts for why, but would love to hear your take

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    1. Okay, you're on! I'll write something - here or on A Separate Life. It will depend which way I go with it. And it might take a week or two. I would love to hear your thoughts too. (Coordinated posts, perhaps?)

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    2. OOHHHHHH...I'm looking forward to the discussion! :-) WOOOHOOOO!!!!

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  2. Hi I'm new to the blogging community and I too and trying to figure out how to structure my posts because while I am living child free and have dealt with infertility for five years now I don't feel like I'm past any of it I'm still living in it. It's been cathartic to share my journey but I am hoping my blog can grow with me into something that is more about my life now and less about what could have been as you said. It's nice to find like minded women who understand the complex emotions associated with infertility. You can check out my story over at http://www.notbreedingintheburbs.com/

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  3. Oh, the you can achieve anything if you only want it enough/try hard enough! I disliked it before I started trying, and I hate it more now! It's a way to add to the torment of those who struggle.

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  4. I so totally agree that the "what should have been" language isn't helpful. "What should have been" seems like a place that doesn't exist anywhere but in our own heads. When I visit "what should have been" I feel despair because it is a place without choices--definitely not my happy place...
    I also with you on the posts that ignore the pain, heartache and sheer work it takes to get to a happy place. Even then, the happy place for me seems temporary as it requires work to stay there. New circumstances constantly come up to test my resolve.
    And I also want to hear your thoughts about the "you can achieve anything if you want it enough" topic.
    BTW Mali, I was formerly calling myself "The Beef Princess" and I am back to blogging at www.Simplynotconceivable.com. I have really missed you and the rest of our tribe and am not sure why I was away so long. Perhaps I should write a post and explore that...:)

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    1. How nice to see you again! I wondered where you'd gone, and hoped it was for a good reason.

      I've added you to my blog list, and I'm off to read your latest posts.

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  5. Thanks for adding me to your blog list, Mali!

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  6. I love your list! I sometimes wonder how I keep managing to find stuff to write about, almost 9 years after I started blogging, 15 years after I stopped treatment and 18 years after the loss of our daughter. I don't know -- and I do go through dry spells -- but then the muse will strike again and off I go. ;)

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